That Minimum Wage Job

I cannot thank my daughter's minimum wage employer enough. You see, there is no better argument for her complete focus on a college degree than to remind her of her own tales of what I call the “managerial type” inherent in places that hire young students.

Recently, a dear friend and former colleague gave me a copy of the book, You Want Fries with That: A White-Collar Burnout Experiences Life at Minimum Wage by Prioleau Alexander. This is a hilarious look at minimum wage jobs in America, but you won’t be very far into it when you realize that this highlights what is going very wrong with customer service in America. Here’s a hint: It isn’t simply the work ethic of the coming generation, folks.

Because I am interested in good management everywhere, I’ve been cataloging my own mental lists of things good business governance and management ought to do and the opposites of good management. There are patterns in both Prioleau’s descriptions of minimum wage positions and my daughter's descriptions of her job. As I have tried to tell my son and daughters over the years, there are lots of things wrong with the hamster wheel that is upwardly mobile corporate life, but those things are nothing in comparison with life at the bottom in fast food, retail, phone shops, mall kiosk and far too many “sole-prop” businesses.

It should be noted that many branch or department managers, supervisors, directors, lead persons, foremen, team leaders, and shift supervisors are nothing more than minimum wage jockeys who managed to survive and moved up the chain. They are not well-trained, and generally parrot the words and actions of their former supervisor. It is also important to remember that all you have to do to start a hierarchy is to put a group of humans together. (Or monkeys – this works with all social animals.)

So kids, if the job is minimum wage and you find the training to be more about how to fill out your time card, or what happens when you don’t clock out than about the actual job, you may want to skip it.

On the other hand, if the training is so detailed that you know where you will be standing at, oh, say 11:03 AM on Saturday morning and it will be every Saturday morning, that may be a sign that initiative or thinking isn’t really required either.

If the words, "We didn't hire you to think," ever pass through the lips of your boss, you can be sure of one thing. He or she doesn't think much either.

If you just said, “What training?” that's not a good sign this is a career position.

If you have to find your own coverage for time off, that would be a very good indicator that the manager has decided to: a) cut staff to minimum acceptable levels for financial reasons, b) give up on all that silly interpersonal stuff, and c) become a babysitter.

If there is no “formal procedure” for updating the schedule with “buddy coverage” (i.e. a half sheet of paper that has been copied from a copy of a copy and no longer “sits” square on the paper) and to change shifts you scratch out your name and write in Becky’s name on the calendar with a red pen, you might as well quit now as wait for the fifteenth time Becky didn’t show up for your shift and you got in trouble because “You are responsible for getting reliable coverage for your shift!”

And if you continually cover for people who won’t cover for you, well, you don’t deserve a high school diploma so drop out now.

If motivational or corrective techniques include yelling, screaming, threatening, and doing it in front of other employees or customers; and does not include “Would you please ...,” “Thank You,” “What do you think the problem is?” or “ I think you did that very well,” find a better sort of minimum wage job if you can.

If the customer is always right, and your manager is never around to deal with them when company policies conflict with this “maxim,” then transfer yourself to a stockperson’s position and talk to the shelves all night.

If the usual customer is always angry, skip the job.

If you fill out an application at the customer service desk and turn it in to the employee behind said counter, and she looks at you like you are “nuts” or “new meat,” skip the experience.

If she cringes when the boss yells at her to bring you into the back room for a “look-see,” walk away now.

If other employees tell you that “Day-Vee” is the clear favorite within ten minutes of meeting them, you probably need to check out today. Davey’s lips won’t be displaced by anything but promotion and then you’ll have to work for him.

If “more hours” depends more on whether you are in “good graces” than it does on the amount of work to be done, run, don’t walk, to the exit.

If you start at minimum wage and raises come when the minimum wage rises, there is a good chance that no one is actually there long enough to get one.

If “because I said so, “ and “you know what rolls downhill” are the reasons for doing something you wouldn’t do at home, this isn’t a place for civilized people.

If your boss spends more time at sexual harassment training than any other form of training, you don’t want to be the next lawsuit the organization experiences.

And lastly, if you and all your co-workers love your boss but aren't that thrilled about the job, and it isn't because he or she is cute and datable, quit now! If your boss is doing the kinds of things that make you love them, they will either a) be promoted, b) quit for better pastures, or c) be fired for not getting better results. Then you will get the boss we've been talking about.

All in all though, if you have any questions whether college is for you, take one of these jobs. They will be a reminder to you each and every day that a) there are things worse than the Army National Guard, b) a college or technical school degree is not that big a sacrifice, and c) prison isn’t the only place where you can meet truly sadistic people.

And if you are stuck in one of these things until you get that college degree and need something to get you through, well then consider this fact. The idiot you call boss is only marginally higher than you on the food chain, rents an apartment and drives a rust bucket and – wait for it - makes no more than $10/hour. With an MBA, you can someday downsize them.

There, doesn’t that feel better.